Who will you call when you need a therapist?

This person you saw walking the walk as well as talking the talk.

The guy who gets in the car and goes out to the school to advocate for a child. The woman who shows two people how to get along.

A COMMON MISTAKE

Of course you want these referrals, this word-of-mouth advertising. You KNOW it works. You KNOW it's the easy and most effective way to get business, sell products, get clients.

So you go out and ASK FOR IT, right?

WRONG.

There's a real finesse to getting referrals. It happens to involve a lot of EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE.

And what does that mean? It means Intuition, Interpersonal Skills, Creativity, Authenticity, Intentionality.

It means setting up the process to let it happen, but not asking. Asking for it is advertising -- it's the tune-out zone.

You don't call someone you've met once at a Chamber meeting, take them to lunch, and then pop the question -- "Hey, would you refer some of your chiropractic patients to me for coaching on stress relief?"

You might as well mail a flyer which, too, will be tossed in the wastebasket along with the 10 others in the snail mail that day.

"A referral isn't something that you ask for," says Jeffrey Gitomer in The Rochester Business Journal. "A referral is something you earn. Oh sure, you can ask for them, but it makes everyone feel awkward and will oftentimes destroy a budding relationship."

Making someone feel awkward is exactly what you DON'T DO when you're using your EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE.

NIPPED IN THE BUD

Why doesn't this direct solicitation work?

Back to square one -- IT'S LIKE AN ADVERTISEMENT. It assaults the person, it causes them to tune out, it asks them to do something really personal, on which their reputation hangs when they hardly know you, your service, your ablities or your practice.

It makes you sound DESPERATE.

Referrals and word-of-mouth are built on direct experience and trust. It comes from seeing the person in action, or using the product yourself, or seeing someone else use it, or experiencing it yourself.

I mentor coaches. They always want to know what to say when someone says "What do coaches do?" My reply is -- don't answer the question, START DOING IT. Show them what coaches do. It's a whole lot easier, and it works a whole lot better.

It BLOSSOMS.

Let it blossom; don't nip it in the bud.

Use your EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE skills to set up the process that will attract the referral naturally.

I don't know about you, but when I find something new, cheap, effective, or irresistible, I CAN'T WAIT to tell other people about it. It makes me look cool, you know? I want the reputation of being the one in the know, the early-adopter.

And because I want that reputation, I NEVER recommend some-thing I don't believe in 100%.

USE YOUR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE TO GET REFERRALS AND INCREASE YOUR BOTTOM LINE

Whether you're selling yourself, your product or your services, use your EQ to encourage this natural and very effective means of increasing the bottom line.

Whether your "virtual" or "real," dealing with people in person or LD, global or local, selling widgets of offering financial consulting, the same rules apply.

Let them taste it, touch it, feel it.

Then you won't have to market at all!

-------------------------------------------------- Get the competitive edge. Take the powerful Emotional Intelligence (EQ)Internet course and start learning the concepts in this article TODAY to get the competitive edge. For dynamic EQ coaching mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc .

About the Author

Susan Dunn, The EQ Coach, GLOBAL EQ. Emotional intelligence coaching to enhance all areas of your life - career, relationships, midlife transition, resilience, self-esteem, parenting. EQ Alive! - excellent, accelerated, affordable EQ coach certification. Susan is the author of numerous ebooks, is widely published on the Internet, and a regular speaker for cruise lines. For marketing services go here.