Things disintegrated from that point, and as the inevitable divorce turned ugly, my weight went up to a solid 14. Living with that man had driven out any joy I had once found in exercising out of me for good, it seemed then. But it had increased my love of chocolate. In addition, he emptied my bank account, he had managed to swindle me out of my ownership and $87,000.00 equity in our home, and got away with stealing more than $30,000.00 worth of my personal property, my antiques, and even my personal papers and journals, which he took just to be mean. In spite of it all, and my new size, all things considered, I looked pretty good.

It took years to settle everything. By the time it finally went to trial, my ex-husband had drained all the cash equity out of my home and sold it, feigning bankruptcy. Meanwhile, he had opened a new company in the same industry in his new girlfriend?s name, the one he dated while married to me, a three times divorced ex-daycare center worker now the president of an advertising agency-thanks to him.

It gave me great satisfaction to strut into court a tall, blonde, happy size 14 almost 16, with big boobs. My bra size had increased from a 36C to a 36D with my weight gain. I smiled to myself in court as I thought of his new girlfriend enjoying his ?personal training?.

My lawyer was awe-struck when my ex husband was legally allowed to get away with taking my money. I have struggled with grief and acceptance of the loss for years, while still trying to create some kind of happy life with my son. I still have occasional nightmares about the ordeal. Comfort became a big issue for me during that time, so I purchased my first pair of Liz Claiborne size 16 jeans, big and loose, heaven to wear.

I have been experiencing a growing, peaceful kind of self-love and acceptance since reaching age 40, and I am grateful for it. I lose weight from activity, not from a self-forced deprivation based on what the media with its fashion models, television actresses, and movie stars send me the message I should be if I want to be ?beautiful?. I feel sorry for anyone who thinks they must eat a little lettuce, boiled chicken, and no carbs for lunch to be acceptable to the world. I ride my bike with my son because we like to, not for a cardio benefit. I canoe on the lake with my sweetheart for fun and a little adventure, not for my upper arms. I walk with my little friend, our Maltese dog because it is enjoyable, especially for him.

The woman I am today can flip through a fashion magazine and rather than feel the urge to hire a personal trainer, feels pity for women who think they need to. No one person can ever attain the perfection presented in those magazines without becoming anorexic, overly exhausted, or just plain miserable. Regular folks don?t have cash for personal trainers, tons of plastic surgery, and daily facials and massages. I know I do my best to be my personal best, with the busy life I live. That's good enough for me. Gone forever is the unrealistic idea that my home, my man and my body should be as perfect as the ones in the media. Good riddance to that concept.

Today at 43 I am a happy size 16 and a DD cup, and I love my Buddha belly. I suds it up in the shower and lovingly moisturize it daily. I was lucky enough to meet and love a man with one of his own. I wouldn?t trade kissing his soft furry belly for all the treadmills in Bally?s. We have no desire to marry, and that works for us both. The dream of that perfect married life depicted in the magazines I built it on is over for me now, and I am at peace with the happiness I find in each day of my life, as it is, for real. He has never complained about my little Buddha belly, and neither of us is inclined to slow down our love for homemade brownies, marshmallow treats, and fat-free ice cream sandwiches. We both work hard, and enjoy our meals and downtime together. I am not gaining more weight, in fact when I get really busy my size 14 clothes fit again. Either way, I am feeling fine and looking good! My sweetheart collected a number of Buddha statues when he traveled to Thailand a few years ago. They are all over our house. I love having them around, because they are always smiling, like me, belly and all.

About the Author

Lisa Marie York is a single professional working mother residing the Orlando, Florida area. She currently completing her book, her true-life story which is under consideration by several Television and Motion Picture production companies. For more information about her upcoming book, please email misslisamarie@hotmail.com